Entering a new relationship is a fun and exciting experience. This phase consists of discovering each other’s interests, laughter, and late night conversations that you spend the next day thinking about. The world is filled with endless possibilities. It’s electric, and so far everything is as close to perfect as it can be. But it’s important not to get too swept away during this time. As your emotions surge, it will be harder to keep a level head and set necessary boundaries, but if you want your new relationship to truly blossom, to mature and grow in a healthy way that’s exactly what you need to do. Below, you’ll find a few tips to help as you navigate your new relationship.
Be Yourself
It’s no secret that everyone wants to appear appealing and put together to their new partner. While you certainly don’t want to dump all your childhood trauma on them right out the gate, you shouldn’t lie about who you are either. You don’t have to put on a show to make someone like you. An ideal partner is someone who will love you for who truly you are, but in order for that to happen, they have to know who you are. Building a relationship based on lies is a foolproof way to create drama and trust issues down the line. Be yourself. Don’t change for anyone. Be honest about your hobbies and your likes and dislikes. Be your goofy or clumsy self. Tell them your favorite movies, even if they don’t appreciate the genre. Don’t tell them you love the outdoors if the idea of spending the day hiking sounds like your own personal hell. Obviously, you can learn to love and appreciate new things in the relationship, and you can certainly try out things they enjoy simply because you want to be around them, but don’t lie about who you are and what you like. Be your beautiful self, and let that be enough.
Don’t Give up Control
Relationships aren’t a game. They shouldn’t be a power play or a battle of any kind, but that being said, you can still lose the power in the relationship by constantly deferring to the other person. If you find yourself asking questions like, “When can we take this step?” “When can I say this without scaring them?” “I want to spend more time together, but should I tell them that?” then you are giving control of the relationship’s speed and direction to the other person. One thing a lot of people forget but should remember is that you are equal partners in the relationship. It’s your relationship too; it belongs to both of you. You have an equal say in things. Your voice matters. Your needs should be met just as much as theirs. Don’t lose your voice, and don’t leave all the important decisions up to someone else.
Set Boundaries
When you’re swept up in someone new, it’s easy to let other aspects of your life fall to the side. You start seeing your friends less because you’re spending all your time with your new partner. You don’t put in as much effort at work because you’re too busy thinking about your possible future together. You don’t spend time alone because you’d rather be with them. And while there’s nothing wrong with being excited about a new relationship, it shouldn’t consume your life and make you put everything else on hold. You are still important, and spending time away from your partner is healthy for your mental health and your identity. Your friends are still important; these are relationships you’ve spent time cultivating and people who’ve been by your side through thick and thin, and they deserve your attention too. Your career is still important. Your goals and hard work shouldn’t fade into the background just because you’re falling in love. Putting boundaries in place, like not seeing each other every night and making time for other aspects of your individual lives, is crucial in the beginning of the relationship. It’ll help prevent you from ‘losing yourself’ within the relationship and neglecting the people and things that matter to you because you’re enchanted with the light of new love.
Be Honest About What You Want
If you want a long term relationship, don’t act like you’re okay with something casual and temporary. If you don’t want kids, don’t say that you can see yourself starting a family. If you love where you live and never plan to move, make that known to your partner. Everyone has to make small compromises in relationships, like eating at a restaurant you aren’t fond of because it’s your partner’s favorite, but no one should have to compromise on the big issues. You need to remember that this is your life; it should look the way you want it to. You should never rearrange your biggest dreams, goals, or desires in order to be with someone. Some lines should be drawn and never crossed, and you should do it early.
Don’t Bring Past Trauma into Your New Relationship
Obviously, you won’t magically heal from all your past pain the moment you get into a new relationship. That would be great, but it’s simply not realistic. Still, you need to keep your past and present separate in your mind. Just because your last partner cheated on you, doesn’t mean your current one will. Just because your last partner was controlling and manipulative doesn’t mean your current one will be. Certainly keep an eye out for red flags, but don’t project other people’s behaviors onto your new significant other. It’s unfair and will only cause doubt and drama to fester in the relationship. Communication and vulnerability are crucial in order to succeed in leaving the past behind you. Talk about your insecurities without accusing anyone of anything. Have a mature and open discussion, and do your best to trust your significant other unless they personally give you reason not to. Relationships are hard enough to navigate without the ghosts of past partners lingering around to mess things up.
If you recently entered into a new relationship, or you think you might start one soon, use this list as a guideline to help you enjoy the happiness new love brings while also making smart decisions for you and your future. It’s not always easy setting boundaries or being open and honest, especially when you want your partner to see you as ‘perfect,’ but it’s crucial if you want your relationship to mature win a healthy way.