Asheville | thesofiamagazine

10 Steps to have Conversations Worth Having About BIG Stuff

by Cheri Torres | Jul 30, 2020 | Asheville, Conversation, Pandemic, Social

By Cheri Torres,

This year has brought to a head many conversations we should have been having, but weren’t: It wasn’t the right time. They made us uncomfortable. Why bother, we couldn’t change things. Those in power wouldn’t listen. Too stressful. Not enough time, not enough information. The list could go on and on. The topics are BIG: Among them are systemic racism, social, economic, and educational disparity, governance, climate change, and health care.

Pick the topic that is near and dear to your heart and develop your capacity to begin the conversations, even though they might be uncomfortable and the outcomes uncertain. They may be volatile because divisiveness and hostility are fueling social media. Pause, take a deep breath, and get curious. Invite mutuality.

Start by acknowledging these topics are complex and ambiguous; no one person or small group of people can possibly have answers. It is going to take all of us, willing to engage, willing to change our minds, be influenced by one, and be open to the possibility that there just might be a better future for all of us. How might we imagine that together? I don’t have any answers, but I do know at least some of the important concepts necessary for us to have these conversations:

1. Accept change as a constant. It’s here and there’s going to be a lot more of it. If you can embrace it, all the better.

2. We’re Entering the Unknown. To quote Star Trek: We are boldly going where no one has been before. To see what we’ve never even imagined means dreaming together. Linking ideas. Using metaphor, biomimicry, and imagination about new possible futures.

3. It’s Complex, No One Knows the
Answer. In complex challenges, solutions emerge in the process of generative inquiry. This means asking questions that challenge people to think and see differently, including yourself. To examine assumptions, clarify needs and desired outcomes. To imagine the impossible and to stare long enough at the horizon to allow the future to come into focus.

4. Adopt a Beginner’s Mindset. Engage with the heart and eyes of innocence: be curious, wonder, be open, let go of preconceived ideas, judgments, and assumptions. None of us knows what’s best at this point in history.

5. Come from Your Square. Draw a 1’x1’ square on the floor and then stand in that space. Enter these conversations with the assumption that that space is all you know: You know your story, experience, feelings, needs and wants, period.

6. Let Others Come from Their Square. Recognize that every person in the conversation is standing in their own 1’x1’ box, wanting the same thing you do: to be seen, heard, valued, and included.

7. Listen to One Another. Deep listening will be absolutely essential. Listening to really hear what others are expressing. Listen with an open mind, open heart, and open will. This means listening without downloading your responses or assessing what the other is saying, without judging, and without automatically dismissing suggestions.

8. Adopt an Attitude of Curiosity. Genuine curiosity often arises when you authentically stand in the 1’x1’ square with open mind, heart, and will. Ask questions to clarify another’s perspective, to truly understand their story, to learn from their experiences, and to find ways you might entertain their ideas. Generative questions help us broaden our own understanding and see possibilities where there were none.

9. Focus on Outcomes. Focus the conversations on what you want more of, on the outcomes that will come into being when we have a solution to an issue. For example, instead of focusing on immigration as a problem, focus on the outcomes that would accrue if immigration was not a problem. Focusing on the problem often gives us a single point of view solution, like no more immigration. Focusing on desired outcomes broadens and builds possibilities for solutions. For example, one of the hoped-for outcomes might be that everyone in the country feels safe, secure, and economically stable. We could have a conversation that helps us explore how to make sure everyone in the country feels safe, secure, and economically stable. Closing immigration might or might not be one of many solutions that emerge.

10. Be OK with Being Uncomfortable. Really listening to other people’s points of view with an open mind, heart, and will is bound to get uncomfortable at times. Especially if it bumps up against your values. Be willing to allow the possibility that there’s more than one right way. Any time you feel triggered, pause and breathe deeply. Circle back #4-#9.

It’s time to have these important conversations. Time to start talking with those who are least like us. Those we call “other;” those who need the system to work for them as well. The future depends upon us. Our children’s and their children’s children’s lives depend upon our ability to have the kind of conversations that build new and strong relationships across differences and enable us to co-create our systems so that they work for everyone.

The future can’t help but be uncertain. The current social and economic systems have reached their sustainable capacity. They have brought us to where we are. They cannot take us forward and we cannot go back. The future requires that we intentionally co-create it. To do that we must have conversations worth having.

Cheri Torres is an author and speaker cheritorres.com. For information on training, certification and to download a free Conversation Toolkit go to Conversations WorthHaving.today.

Traci Burke – Mad Ones Real Estate, Living Her Best Life

by Sandi Tomlin-Sutker | Jul 30, 2020 | Asheville, Real Estate, Women, Women Empowerment

By Sandi Tomlin-Sutker

Traci Burke is one of a rare group: born and raised in Asheville in a family who has been in the region for at least four generations. Her life and ambitions took her away and then back again, recognizing what an awesome place this is to create an extraordinary life.

SEARCHING FOR HER PASSION

“When I graduated from high school, I had no clue what I wanted to do or be.” Getting a decent job was her first goal and that landed her at Mission hospital in housekeeping. Her assignment was cleaning all the public bathrooms there. She quickly realized she wanted to do something bigger with her life. She became a nursing assistant working in labor and delivery, then took classes at AB Tech to get into the competitive LPN program. She didn’t stop there, pushing onward to become a nurse anesthetist.

The first program that accepted her was the University of New England in Maine. “I decided to go for it. I was divorced at the time and had to make the choice of uprooting myself and possibly my child (at age 13 he opted to stay here with his dad). I knew if I didn’t do it, I’d regret it and I didn’t want to get to the end of my life and have regrets!”

“The first year of working as a nurse anesthetist I made a good salary and you’d think I’d feel I’d accomplished something, but it was totally the opposite. I went through a major depression. Was this all there was to life, getting up every day to go to the hospital, pay my bills, doing something on weekends? I knew there was something else I was supposed to be doing.”

Traci had owned her first house before going to anesthesia school, decided to rent it while she was gone and realized, “the renters paid my mortgage while I was in school. I thought maybe I should do it again. I watched shows like Flip This House, etc. and learned a lot. I thought I could buy a house, remodel it and sell it for a profit . . . and I did. Unfortunately, she also did it at the very worst possible time, 2007-2008. It took about 10 years to sell it at the right price and along the way she learned a lot of valuable lessons, especially that she needed to educate herself about real estate investing, mortgage and financing options, and how to spot and close a deal. She joined a local real estate investors’ group and right away met the person who would become her mentor and private coach.

REMODELING HER LIFE

Real estate was a major breakthrough for Traci. “I had finally found my passion! I also managed to find and marry a wonderful man in the midst of all that. We both bring our strengths to the table.” The relationship also brought a new child into her life. Together they adopted a weeks-old baby girl about seven years ago. Life has been, as she describes it, fun and challenging ever since.

Traci and Doug’s portfolio now includes several single family and multi-family properties, renovated into beautiful long-term rentals, as well as several properties they have built on desirable West Asheville lots. Traci became a real estate agent and then a Broker in Charge, running her own West Asheville brokerage called Mad Ones. In their spare time, Traci and Doug coach others on how to become real estate investors, building passive income for themselves and their legacies.

The belief that is out there in Buncombe County is that there are not any bargains left, especially in West Asheville. “I think my stubborn nature says, ‘don’t tell me I can’t, I’ll prove you wrong!’ My coach always told me there are opportunities everywhere, in every season. I see the world as a glass half full; I refuse to focus on the negative. I want to live an extraordinary life, have extraordinary relationships and give back in a big way. To do that you have to be successful.”

She puts a lot of intentional effort into seeing life this way. Traci has developed tools to help keep her on the path. One of them is to run through a list, every morning before getting out of bed, of all she has to be thankful for. She also does a lot of inspirational reading and realizes if she can help just one person live a better life she will be successful. “You know we have so much in this country, but many are focused on what they don’t have. It’s little things like having fresh water to drink, a bed to sleep in, and a roof over our heads. We are truly blessed.”

WHY THE MAD ONES?

“The name is based on the well-known quote from Jack Kerouac”, Traci explains. “It’s really about my philosophy of life. I’m not willing to settle for a mediocre life! I want to suck the marrow out of life you could say! I want to live my version of extraordinary and help others live their version. I can help do that through real estate if they are willing to listen and put in the work. My partner came up with the name and when I heard it, I just knew that it describes who I am and how I live my life. I wanted a memorable name that makes people ask questions . . . and it does!”

As a brokerage, they work with buyers and sellers of all kinds and walks of life. As a team they are each crazy about life, real estate, and the people in our Asheville community. Traci’s story is one of perseverance, influencing people around her to go after an extraordinary life. In a way, learning how to build a life and legacy you are proud of, not being afraid to remodel from time to time.

Monthly Community meeting
at Mad Ones
Last Tuesday of every month at 6 pm
717 Haywood Road
Asheville, NC 28806
Food/drinks provided
Featured speaker
[email protected]
Phone: 828-222-7327

Wonderful Waterfalls

by admin | Jul 2, 2020 | Asheville, Health, Women

Visiting waterfalls is the perfect way to spend a day, and Western North Carolina has hundreds of waterfall hikes to choose from. So, put on your hiking boots, pack a snack, and enjoy the wonder. Here are a few favorites to get you started.

Toms Creek Falls Hike offers a gentle climb. It’s starting point is on Huskins Branch Road near Marion, NC. Skinny Dip Falls Hike is considered moderately rough. It’s starting point is at the Looking Glass Rock overlook. Crabtree Falls Hike is challenging, but the reward is a seventy-foot waterfall at the end. This starting point is at Crabtree Meadows Campground. Graveyard Fields Hike not only offers two waterfalls, but also Mountain Laurel and Rhododendron. This hilly hike begins at the Graveyard Fields Overlook.

For more information check out duckduckgo.com — Waterfalls in Western North Carolina.

Makeup Foundation Alternatives

by admin | Jul 2, 2020 | Asheville, Beauty, DIY, Facials, Women

Base makeup and foundation can feel dense and heavy when worn in the hot summer months. When the temperatures rise, it’s nice to have alternatives to foundation that will keep skin looking clear and translucent without appearing too overdone. Why not skip the base makeup this summer and give some of these alternatives to foundation a try?

Tinted moisturizers

Tinted moisturizers are a convenient way to add sheer color to the face without the hassles of applying foundation. The added tint gives the skin a healthy slow, while the moisturizer keeps it soft and dewy. When you wear a tinted moisturizer, you won’t need to wear cheek color during the day, although you may want to apply a little blush over the tinted moisturizer for evening wear. Most cosmetic lines offer tinted moisturizers, but it’s easy to make your own. Simply mix a small amount of liquid foundation with your regular moisturizer. For an even sheerer look, use mineral makeup to make your tinted moisturizer instead of liquid foundation.

Mineral face powder

Skip the foundation entirely and apply a layer of mineral face powder to keep your face looking sheer and natural while minimizing fine lines and imperfections. Mineral powders look and feel very light almost like you’re wearing no makeup, but will give your skin a flawless, translucent look. They also absorb oil to reduce facial shininess, a common problem in warm weather. Mineral face powder can be found at most cosmetic counters and drugstores at a reasonable price. Carry one with you to keep your skin looking flawless while you’re on the go.

Self-tanner

Some women spend hours in the sun baking their skin to a golden brown to avoid wearing makeup. A safer alternative is to use a self-tanner formulated specifically for the face. There are a variety of self-tanners on the market that will give the face a realistic, sun kissed glow without damaging the skin. The advantage to using this foundation alternative is that you only have to re-apply it every few days to keep the color and, if applied carefully, you can get a very realistic color, like you’ve made a trip to the beach.

Go natural

Why not give your skin a break and go natural this summer? If you don’t feel comfortable without any makeup, add a little lip gloss and mascara and leave it at that. There’s something refreshing about a freshly scrubbed face that’s not weighed down with makeup. Whatever you do, apply your makeup with a lighter touch in the summer. It feels good to give your skin a chance to breathe.

Tips for Perfect Summer Feet

by admin | Jul 2, 2020 | Asheville, Beauty, Style, Women

Feet don’t usually require much attention when it comes to looking good; they are usually hidden from view under socks, shoes or boots. But the summer months mean that feet are often on show and need some extra attention to look attractive. Here are 5 tips for perfect summer feet.

Get rid of hard skin

Add one tablespoon of salt and one cup of milk to a bowl of warm water; soak feet in the solution for 15 minutes to soften the skin and make it ready for removal. Use a pumice stone to scour away the hard skin, and finish by scrubbing thoroughly with a soft body brush.

Give feet an intensive softening pack

Massage a generous layer of olive oil into your feet before bedtime and cover with a thick pair of socks. Leave overnight to allow the oil to fully soak into your skin. For areas of hard or extra-dry skin, squeeze a capsule of vitamin E oil, or evening primrose oil, onto the affected area for extra softening power.

Remove any stray hairs or unsightly bits

Bunions, corns, athlete’s foot, and other foot conditions can usually be easily treated with over-the-counter preparations or prescription medications. Pluck any stray hairs on toes and feet, or wax if necessary.

Treat yourself to a professional pedicure

A little time and money spent at the salon can work wonders for your feet. Most pedicures also come with a relaxing foot massage which will improve circulation to your skin. A professional pedicure will also ensure that your nails are cut correctly, helping to reduce the risk of an ingrown toenail.

Add the final touches

Invest in a cooling foot spray to keep your feet fresh and hydrated during the summer months. Add the finishing touches with a few pieces of foot jewelery, toe rings, anklets, or even a small tattoo if you’re feeling brave.

How Will You and Your Family Remember the Pandemic of 2020?

by Cheri Torres | Jun 30, 2020 | Asheville, Collaborative Learning, Communication, Conversation

By Cheri Torres

So many facets to this coronavirus pandemic. Each one brings a distinct emotional flavor: fear, grief, despair, frustration, loneliness, anger, resentment, boredom and also, joy, peace, generosity, calm, hope, rejuvenation, connection, curiosity, compassion, care, humor, and love. One event giving us an opportunity to experience the full spectrum of human emotion coupled with the full spectrum of human behavior. What we remember about this time in our lives will be at least in part the result of the conversations we have. What kind of conversations are you having with yourself, your family, and your neighbors or colleagues?

If you’re up for fostering conversations worth having with your family, be prepared to listen and be curious. Don’t rush in to fix things or solve people’s feelings or reactions. Take a deep breath and ask them to say more. You will learn more about them and they are likely to discover more about themselves at the same time. Here are some questions you might explore as a family:

How is all of this affecting you? What are you feeling? Thinking?

What are you having to let go of, even though you might not want to?

What do you sense is coming?

What are some unexpected joys or things that brighten your days?

What’s actually been a gift to you, our family, or our community?

What superpowers are you using to adapt and roll with staying at home and physical distancing?

If your kids have noticed you are highly stressed because you’ve lost your job and money is running out, talk with them about what’s happening for millions of people around the world, so they understand everyone is struggling, not just you. Let them know people are reaching out to help one another in ways we’ve not seen before. If you can see they are worrying a lot, ask them to tell you about a time when they were really worried about something going wrong, and in the end, it worked out okay. Then follow up with:

What did you value about yourself in that situation?

What did you value about the other people?

How might we draw from your experience to help us in this situation?

Consider sharing a story of your own when you were worried about some of the same things you are now, and in the end it turned out okay. Share your own strengths and how those same strengths will help you get through this.

If your kids are old enough, invite them into some of the deeper conversations this time in history is calling for. It has never been more clear that our education, healthcare, and economic systems are not working for everyone. How might we pay attention, accept the challenge, and reinvent these important elements of society so they do work for everyone. A few questions you might invite teens and young adults to discuss (or just talk about it with other adults):

How might we make education/school more effective or relevant, especially at this time?

How would you manage school under these circumstances?

What suggestions do you have for school kids who don’t have access to computers and the internet?

What do you think is important for you to learn over the next several months?

What role might you play in making sure you learn what’s important for you?

How might we reinvent our communities so everyone thrives?

How might we reinvent our economy so everyone has an opportunity to contribute and be successful?

If you were granted three wishes, what would you wish for? (You can’t wish the virus away and you can’t wish for everything to go back to “normal.”)

Given all that is going on in the world, what are you most grateful for right now?

Finally, you might members of the family (or your friends and colleagues):

When you look back on this time—maybe 10-20 years from now—how do you want to remember it? And how do you want to be remembered?

If your children or grandchildren asked you, how did you manage and how did you contribute in 2020, what would you like to be able to say and have it be true?

What can we do now so that your memory is one you are proud of?

Our conversations are powerful influencers in our lives. They have the ability to strengthen our relationships, fortify our health and wellbeing, enhance our resilience, and fuel our creativity and success . . . or not. They are the single most influential tool we have at our disposal, and we have the ability to choose how we wield that tool.

How might you have conversations worth having with your family, neighbors, and colleagues? Conversations that help them stop and think about this historic moment in history.
Think about who they want to be now and what they want to be able to tell their children and grandchildren about who they and their family was during this time.

An Invitation: Transform stress and challenge into conversations worth having – join us for Monday Kickstarters. Every Monday for the next two months, from Noon – 12:30 PM EST, we are hosting a zoom call to practice turning negative and life-draining thoughts and interactions into productive and meaningful conversations.
Join any time. Reserve your seat https://lnkd.in/emZJpsp.

Cheri Torres is an author and speaker cheritorres.com. Online Conversation Boot camp begins June 24. Download a free Conversation Toolkit at Conversations WorthHaving.today.

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