Join us for the 7th Annual Here’s Hope Event sponsored by The Hope Chest for Women, Inc.

by | Oct 1, 2019 | Asheville, Breast Cancer

The Signature Fundraiser will feature a delicious gourmet luncheon, fall fashion show with latest styles, an exciting raffle and silent auction, and heartfelt testimonies of clients-patients served by the agency. 

This event will be held at the beautiful Asheville Event Centre on Saturday, Oct. 19th, 2019 located at 291 Sweeten Creek Road in Asheville, NC 28803. Doors will open at 10:30 am to register, meet up and mingle with friends, preview raffle and auction items to explore the venue. Festivities will begin promptly at 11 am.

A shuttle service will be available to eliminate parking issues during the event.

Here’s Hope is the largest annual fundraiser for The Hope Chest for Women, Inc. The non-profit 501 c (3) organization was founded by Dr. Nathan Williams, a local gynecological oncologist in 2003 to assist his patients who were experiencing financial challenges in their everyday living necessities such as rent, transportation, medication &medical treatment co-pays, groceries, utilities, etc.

All proceeds raised by The Hope Chest for Women, Inc. in its community fundraising endeavors is used to directly assist local WNC residents in 22 counties with financial difficulties due to their breast and/or other gynecological cancers. The Hope Chest for Women, Inc. can provide up to $1,750 per client over a 3-year period. This amount is based upon the recipients’ needs & resources.

Here’s Hope celebrates patients, survivors, and honors the memory of loved ones who have lost their battles to the disease. Fall fashions will be modeled by cancer patients and/or survivors who will sport clothing selections & accessories ranging from very casual to black tie while showcasing a variety of local clothing retailers in our local area.

Personal testimonies shared by a few of our recipients will tell how the organization has impacted them and their families during their crisis.

The Chef’s Kitchen of Ingles’ Markets will once again provide a gourmet buffet luncheon offering a variety of healthy & nutritious locally grown & raised food items along with decadent desserts. The Ingles’ floral design department is providing centerpieces for our dining tables.

A DJ will be on hand for the event this year to provide hits from several eras and genres.

Raffle and silent auction items donated by local businesses, retailers, hoteliers, restaurateurs, crafters, and artisans will be available for purchase.

Tammy Jones, local Morning Radio Co-Host at Mix 96.5 WOXL and former Citizen-Times Journalist will emcee this year’s event. Tammy is a breast cancer survivor.

We promise a celebration with fun, inspiration, information, entertainment, delicious food, and the fellowship of awesome women.

Individual tickets are $50 and tables of eight are available for $400.

Sponsorships are available starting at $500.

Call Kim the Hope Chest for Women, Inc. at 828-708-3017 for ticket and sponsorship information and/or visit our website: hopechestforwomen.org.

Capture the Season in a Cup– Happy Fall

Capture the Season in a Cup– Happy Fall

by | Oct 1, 2019 | Asheville, Autumn, Lifestyle

The leaves are beginning to change color and the smell of fall is in the air. The days are getting chilly, so now is the time to dig those cozy sweaters out of the back of your closet. There’s no doubt that fall is one of the best seasons not just because of the weather, but also because of the fall-themed drinks. Pumpkin spice lattes have become a traditional, and delicious seasonal beverage. However, don’t limit yourself to one brew when there are so many other amazing mixtures. Here are three fall-themed drinks that are the perfect beverage for the season and that you can make at home!

Hot Chocolate—With a Twist

Hot chocolate is a standard cold weather staple. It’s pretty easy: cocoa powder, hot milk, and a dash of whipped cream if you’re feeling fancy. But this hot chocolate is different. To upgrade your typical hot chocolate, add a dash of pumpkin puree to the milk as you are heating it. Let those two flavors meld together, then stir in the cocoa powder. You’ll be left with a pumpkin-y hot chocolate that tastes delicious. It might sound strange, but the flavor is mind-blowing. If you really want to spice it up, sprinkle the top with pumpkin spice or cinnamon.

Homemade Apple Cider

Are you trying to figure out what to do with all of those apples you got while you were apple picking this season? Instead of apple pie, grab eight to ten apples and make your own apple cider! First, core your apples and cut into quarters, then add them to a large pot. Add just enough water to cover the apples, then add a half cup of sugar (or a full cup if you like your cider sweeter). Add a cinnamon stick or two, and three or four tablespoons of allspice, then simmer on low for an hour. The result is a delicious, homemade apple cider that makes your kitchen smell exactly like fall.

Spiked Spanish Coffee

As the days are getting shorter and the weather is getting cooler, it becomes harder to stay awake in the evening. But this Spiked Spanish Coffee will keep you alert as it soothes your nerves from the day. Brew any kind of coffee then add a shot of brandy, and a shot of Kahlua. No need for extra creamer here—the Kahlua adds a boozy shot of cream. Mix together and serve hot. It’s the perfect drink to sip after dinner.

These three delicious drinks are sure to keep you feeling cozy this fall. While you’re in between pumpkin spice lattes, try making one of these drinks at home. You could cozy up with a good book and the hot chocolate, or sit by the fireplace sipping on a spiked coffee. You may even try making homemade apple cider at your next gathering!

Complaining about the Men in our Lives

Complaining about the Men in our Lives

by | Oct 1, 2019 | Asheville, relationships, Therapy

By Cheri Torres

A friend of mine noted, many older women don’t seem to like their husbands. They complain about them . . . all the time. She noticed these women seemed lonely and loveless even though their partner was still present.

My experience with women of all ages is that conversations about the men in our lives often turn to mutual complaining. We seem to enjoy these conversations, as they affirm we are not alone, confirm we are not crazy, and strengthen our bonds with friends, daughters, mothers, and grandmothers. 

Given what I now know about the power of conversation, I can’t help but think that such conversations are lethal to loving relationships. Here’s what I know about conversation (backed up by research across multiple disciplines):

We create our relationships through conversation and shared meaning-making.

Our internal and external conversations influence our expectations and assumptions, which govern our perceptions of reality.

What we focus on grows; what we talk about takes shape.

The questions we ask and the images we conjure are fateful: they become our reality.

We need to be asking ourselves: What kind of relationships do we want with the men in our lives? If we want close and loving relationships, then we need to have different conversations. We need to ask questions that deepen our love and affection for one another. We need to have conversations about raising, educating, and nurturing boys in different ways.

But what about all those irritating things they do? OMG, surely, we can talk about those! 

You can talk about anything. Just be aware that your conversations are directly influencing your relationships and their overall health. If your partner does things that irritate you, talk with your partner about it, not your friends . . . unless you are asking for ideas. Friends who can share stories of successful conversations about the same issue are valuable! That’s a complaint conversation worth having!

Engaging in these conversations is almost irresistible. The reason is biochemical; complaining with other women juices us. The flood of stress hormones associated with thinking about the negative things men do (cortisol, norepinephrine, and testosterone) strengthens us. At the same time, we are flooded with the love/happiness hormones (oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine) because we are safe and fully aligned with our tribe of women. We feel good and strong; and many of  us don’t often feel that way. Still, we might want to consider the price we may be paying for such conversations.

How might we turn these conversations into ones worth having? Conversations that support us in creating positive change in our relationship when it’s needed as well as nurturing healthy growth and development. How do we share our success stories around changing behavior (including our own), letting things go, or having valuable conversations with boys and men? How might we turn the dialogue towards understanding? What might we do at the non-personal level to resolve our issues (e.g., family dynamics, school and societal structures)?

Here are two simple practices you can use to shift these conversations in your life:

Ask one another generative questions. A generative question shifts the focus of attention; it changes thinking. For example: 

What would you like to have happen?

What might he do that would be helpful? 

What’s going on for you when that happens?

How do I help my son develop his nurturing, relational side?

How do you and your partner handle this? 

I wonder how successful relationships navigate this?

Create a positive frame. Frame conversations around what you want (for yourself, for the other, for the relationship) instead of what you don’t want. For example, 

Instead of dirty clothes on the floor, talk about creative ways to get clothes in the hamper.

Instead of every little thing that’s bothering you, talk about how you let the things  that don’t matter, go. 

Instead of talking about how terrible your relationships is, talk about the best parts of your relationship (even if there are only a few).

Instead of talking about the men in our society who are predators, talk about how we create a world of caring and balanced men. Where is this already happening? How do we uplift the men working in these areas?

Of course, there are times when it is important to share the negative. If you are in danger, if you are being emotionally abused, neglected, or in a bad relationship, by all means have those conversations with your friends. In these cases, ask questions that deepen understanding and connection and frame your conversations around supporting your friend in being safe and getting appropriate help and guidance. These are also conversations worth having.

The majority of our negative conversations, however, don’t verge on divorce or destruction. Instead, we engage in empathizing and commiserating because it feels good. We are well advised to make this decision consciously instead of leaving it up to whim, as whim is likely to have us growing old and being lonely even though our partner is present.

Learn more at

ConversationsWorthHaving.today.

Seasoned by travels across the world and back…Anya Hinkle

Seasoned by travels across the world and back…Anya Hinkle

by | Oct 1, 2019 | Asheville, Music, Women

By Peggy Ratusz

“There’s always this fear when I schedule a big show, as to how many people I’m going to see sitting in the audience. To sell out a show at the Grey Eagle was a dream of mine.  This comfort washed over me while driving over for sound check, knowing all the seats had been sold.” These were Anya Hinkle’s thoughts this past January after one of her biggest local shows to date. She and her producer John Doyle who is a Celtic phenom, along with her stellar string band Tellico, presented their latest studio recording, “Woven Waters” at the Asheville music venue.

Woven Waters was voted #9 on WNCW radio’s “Top 100 Albums in 2018.” And since its release, Anya has been making the rounds; from her latest jaunt to France, Montreal, Virginia and Tennessee, to all parts of North Carolina. She’s newly equipped with critically acclaimed tunes like “Courage for the Morning,” (#1 on Folk Radio Music Charts) and the Merlefest’s Chris Smith Songwriting competition’s Bluegrass category winner, “Ballad of Zona Abston.”

It is her recent tour in La France profonde (deep France) that I was eager and delighted to talk about with Anya.  But first, let me delve into a little bit of her history for those of you who are unfamiliar. This world traveler has encountered an array of landscapes, sights, and sounds; whether visiting or staying a while in places like Virginia (her home state), Japan (her husband’s native land), California, Pacific Islands, New Zealand, Fiji, Hawaii, and Costa Rica. By the time she planted in Asheville of 2006, she didn’t quite know how to musically and creatively intertwine the mix of cultures she’d encountered, with the traditional sounds of her new home in Appalachia. 

Once she began to attend local bluegrass jams and making friends on the scene, she created a domino that lead to this “trip of a lifetime” recent tour in France.

Once you returned, can you describe how you felt about the overall experience?

“I had mixed emotions. Clearly it was fabulous. The food, the sights, the sounds, and the people I met; all that was wonderful. On a personal level though it was challenging bringing a band together for my first European tour, and present my music in a country where I didn’t speak the language.”

Luckily she discovered that European audiences are extremely receptive to American music, allowing for a cyclical reception of curiosity being satisfied. 

“My grandfather played in a Jazz group in the 1930’s. He and his amateur bandmates took the maiden voyage of the famous SS Champlain to Paris in 1932 for a summer tour. I imagine during that depressive time people yearned for a feeling of worldly sophistication. American music elicited that for them.  Following in his footsteps all these years later, bringing my roots music to a part of the world that resonates with its origins as much as Europe and France in particular does, has influenced me and my purpose as an artist in new ways.”

How did you put the band together?

“The band was primarily an American band. On fiddle was Asheville native and Nashville transplant, Julian Pinelli. Columbian born Canadian Dobro player Jose Mejia was someone I met through Billy Cardine and Marius Pibarot, a French-American bassist and fiddle player, I met through another musician friend.”

When they all landed in Paris, they quickly went into rehearsal mode, concentrating on a mix of traditional songs that Anya suspected would help her connect to audiences coming to hear particular instrumentation. She pulled from her songs on Woven Waters and tunes from her years with a previous band she fronted called Delia Low. 

During shows, how did you work around that you don’t speak French?

“Marius, my bass player translated when needed, but I also thought it was nice to use the opportunity to not talk. I think we feel compelled to talk on stage, and I wanted to use the music to connect.”

What was the highlight of the tour?

“The Laroche Bluegrass festival, which is the biggest festival of its kind in all of Europe, was the highlight for sure. It was a thrill for us to headline. Meeting musicians in the Bluegrass and Roots worldwide community, through the late night jamming in the French Alps, in the town square, calling songs and playing sometimes until three in the morning was magical!  We enjoyed sharing and hearing cultural interpretations from all these nations and continents, as we bonded through our common love of Roots music. It was a beautiful scene!”

A link to a video from her set at Laroche –

youtube.com/watch?v=NLZ5cF1I4Z0&feature=youtu.be

What was the biggest challenge? 

The weather! France was experiencing record heat levels; over 105 degrees!

Where did you stay?

“We were mostly in Eastern France in an area called Bruyeres. Brueyeres was liberated from German occupation by a Japanese-American battalion who went behind enemy lines to rescue the “Lost Texas Battalion” so it’s the site of one of the most famous battles of WWII. Being right there, on what was once that battlefield was powerful for me. Hearing people speak about how everyone once lived in the hills but after the wars, because there were so many dead bodies, they all moved into the cities. To get a gig in a more than 500 year old farm house was an experience of a lifetime. The walls were two feet thick and it was like performing in a cave or a wine cellar, making the acoustics ideal.”

Here’s a link to a YouTube video of a French song that Anya and her band played in this farmhouse:

youtube.com/watch?v=1tuNFf4nL4g&feature=youtu.be

Gathering a group of musicians who didn’t know each other before the tour is an exciting and brave choice, but it’s one that many musicians like Anya, who live their lives out loud, are naturally drawn to do. 

“It was a bonding experience, trying to navigate daily logistics, rehearsals and performing. Late night exhaustion and lack of food can really challenge a person. But I found this group of young, talented, international musicians to be understanding, flexible, and professional. At our lowest moments we worked it out just fine, and our highest moments, we were just having a ridiculously good time.”

Next up for Anya is Japan later this year. Please visit her website at tellicoband.com for updates on that tour, as well as all the venues regionally and locally that she’ll be performing until then.

Spaghetti vs. Waffles–Use of Active Listening

Spaghetti vs. Waffles–Use of Active Listening

by | Oct 1, 2019 | Asheville, Counseling, relationships

By Jill Long

The way men and women communicate differently is a topic discussed by almost everyone. Issues arise in relationships as a result of these communication differences, and ongoing issues in communication can lead to broken relationships. Creating a dynamic of effective communication can promote our relationships. Practicing effective communication by using active listening skills can help. The purpose of active communication is to understand or be understood. Active listening is not designed to determine if someone is right or wrong, but to improve our relationships, create a less stressful life, and promote a more harmonious environment.

Based on our unique environments, no two people communicate in the same way.  We do tend to respond more positively to others who have similar backgrounds and beliefs, and tend to have a more difficult time communicating effectively or being understood by people who have different values and beliefs. Also, no two people’s brains are wired the same which also facilitates different perspectives and therefore different communication styles. This seems to present itself between men and women.

Different communication styles between men and women can be frustrating. Women’s style has been compared to spaghetti. Everything runs together and it is hard to not connect things, which may be why we tend to bring up past wrongdoings during an argument. Men’s communication style has been compared to waffles. Pockets of information that do not necessarily interconnect. Men tend to be problem-solvers and want to suggest solutions to situations. They tend to focus on the immediate issue, whereas, women tend to communicate for connection, but intermingle thoughts together. Many times, women just want to be understood and empathized with, not given solutions. Therefore, women and men can have problems communicating.

These differences can create problems with our spouse/significant other because we live and create a life with them. If there are too many disagreements or differences in lifestyle choices and the way communication about these occur, relationships can become estranged. If ineffective communication has not changed, and there is no resolution or repair, relationships can dissolve.  

As was mentioned earlier, women’s thoughts are entangled together (like spaghetti) and we tend to connect thoughts and communicate accordingly. When this happens, the man can become overwhelmed and shut down. This is known as stonewalling. He may go to another room and can become basically non-communicative. This behavior may trigger women to talk more and get more aggravated as she feels he doesn’t care. The argument may escalate because the woman doesn’t feel heard and the man feels overwhelmed. The man again, is a problem solver, and may need time to process all that is being said, but because of the differences in communication style, the argument has taken on its’ own life and may no longer be about what it started as.  Women may need an outlet to vent their frustrations and men may need time to “cave” and process.  

In addition to being aware of these differences, both parties can benefit by participating in active listening with each other.  Active listening is as the name implies, “active.” Active listening uses open ended questions, reflective statements, and clarification. Open ended questions are questions designed to continue the communication, not questions that allow for a yes, no, or one-word answer. An everyday example of open-ended question would be, “Tell me about your day,” opposed to a close-ended question such as “How was work/school today?” The first statement would require more conversation than the second. The second could be answered with “fine,” or “awful.” Open ended questions solicit more conversation than closed questions. The second part of active listening is reflective statements. This is not just parroting what someone says, but reflecting the content as well as the feeling. Reflective statements require a certain amount of empathy and are a big connection point for women. They can also cut down on defensiveness because you are not thinking about yourself or your next comment. It further helps to calm the other person as they feel understood. Finally, active listening uses clarification to make sure you thoroughly understand where the other person is coming from. You can reflect back what you have heard and say “Let me see if I understand what you are saying.”

As I said, reflective listening is a connection point for women. The term “empathy” comes to mind when thinking about active/reflective listening. Empathy is having an emotional or intellectual connection with another person. It is taking time to “walk in someone else’s shoes,” to live their life for just a few minutes. Try using empathy the next time you are in a conversation with someone. Reflect their feelings and their situations back to them and see how it goes. You’re not agreeing with what they are saying or implying that they are right or wrong, you are just identifying how they feel and reflecting back what you have heard.

Obviously effective communication is very hard work. Effective communication requires us to be able to let our guard down, become vulnerable at times, and not believe that every discussion requires someone to be right and someone else to be wrong. The object of effective communication and therefore improved relationships is to be able to live in harmony whether we are spaghetti or waffles.  Active listening is a big part of effective communication and can improve relationships.

Whether you are spaghetti or waffles, awareness of differences and communicating using active listening can create a more peaceful style of communication. Active listening cuts down on the need to be right, defensiveness, and feelings of disconnection.  Our lives and our relationships can be so much less stressful if we seek to understand others. We are also much more likely to come up with solutions or compromises if we understand the other perspective.

Practicing  active listening can improve our relationships and help us in our everyday relationships at home as well as in our work life. 

JeanAnn’s Journey–Trick or Treat

JeanAnn’s Journey–Trick or Treat

by | Oct 1, 2019 | Asheville, Halloween, Recipes

Finally, it’s October. I can say goodbye to sweat and hello to goosebumps. That’s fine with me. Like many others, autumn is my favorite season because there is so much to love: colorful leaves, pumpkins, candy corn, hoodies, boots, bonfires, and our first fall holiday, Halloween. 

Halloween has become the second largest commercial holiday in America; its origin stems from an ancient pre-Christian festival, Samhain (pronounced Sah-ween). These Celtic festivities were held at the end of fall to celebrate the gods and goddesses of harvest, and to honor the dead. Scary disguises were worn as participants danced around bonfires to keep spooky spirits away. Around this same time, All Saints Day, which is devoted to prayer, was also celebrated. On this day, the poor received a pastry in exchange for a promise to pray for a saint. Due to the potato famine of 1845, there was a massive influx of Irish immigrants to America. They brought along their customs and traditions which had by that time evolved from a celebration of spirits and saints into a celebration of lighthearted fun. It’s believed that wearing costumes and handing out treats began with these early ceremonies.

Unfortunately, the lawlessness of the 1920s brought back an element of fear to the celebration. This time the fear was not of ghosts and goblins, it was of the vicious violence that ruled our streets. With the banning of alcohol in 1919, and an ensuing depression, crime became prevalent in America. Jobs were scarce, which induced the criminal activity of bootlegging and prostitution. Murder, rape, vandalism, gambling, drug trafficking, theft, kidnapping, and malicious assaults led to a 561-percent increase of convicts in America’s prisons.

Thankfully, when the Second World War ended in 1945, there was a renewed passion to end the violence. Through the efforts of Law Enforcement, law and order was restored in our country and Halloween became a safe holiday once again. Now that my children are grown and live so far away, I enjoy going to neighborhoods where I can watch little witches, princesses, and dinosaurs skip along from house to house to get their treats.  

I also enjoy decorating my home. There is something so appealing about the colors and fabrics of fall. I’ve made kitchen accessories from fabric adorned with purple cats and orange pumpkins, pillow covers from candy-corn and green witch prints, and several quilts from pretty, paisley leaf-prints. Crocheted ghosts and witches are also scattered about. It’s pretty cute around here this time of year.

October is also the perfect time to bake a pumpkin pie or loaf of cranberry bread. The aroma of these treats will add to the warm, cozy aura of autumn ambiance. If you need a super-simple party recipe, try this~

Pumpkin Delight

Slice the top off of a small pumpkin and scoop out the inside. 

Combine 8-oz of softened, cream cheese with 1/2 cup of canned pumpkin, 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon, and 1 teaspoon of vanilla. Beat until smooth and creamy. Spoon into the pumpkin.

Serve with crackers, bagels, or that loaf of cranberry bread you just took out of the oven.

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