Self-Discovery | thesofiamagazine

Shy and Shining: Ways to Capitalize on Being Quiet

by admin | Jul 26, 2021 | Asheville, Self-Discovery, Social, Women

Shy people may not say a lot, but that doesn’t mean they have little to say–or to be proud of. In fact, being a quiet person can be as rewarding as being an extrovert. The trick is to find ways to express yourself and make the most of your shyness in a society that seems to favor the outgoing personality. There’s no reason to shy away from being shy. These tips will help you discover the advantages of shyness and how to use them to live life to the fullest.

Get Noticed on Paper Many quiet people are great writers or at least better at expressing themselves on paper than in person. So go ahead and make yourself known with the written word. It will give you more than a comfortable outlet to “speak”; writing is a confidence booster and a creative channel for the shy. Take advantage of writing opportunities at work or in the community. Even penning heartfelt notes to friends or family will bring out your unique personality for others to see.

Think Positively About Shyness People often think of shyness as a weakness, but nothing could be further from the truth. Shyness is simply an attribute, like being left-handed or red-haired. Shyness won’t keep you from attaining personal and professional goals–only a negative attitude about it will. Fortunately, you have the power to control your thoughts. Adopting a positive mindset about shyness can do wonders for your self-esteem and put to rest the notion that being shy is a bad thing.

Take Advantage of Shyness Benefits Shy people are often analytical types who tend to think before they speak. They’re usually strong empathizers, too, and are prone to helping others feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Shyness perks like these make quiet people excellent candidates for certain career choices, including working with disabled people, therapy jobs, and technology and research positions. Use the benefits of your shy nature to pursue work and life roles that are rewarding, fulfilling, and useful.

Shine Behind the Scenes Being shy may keep you out of the public eye, but shy people can do many things in small groups or behind the scenes that add value and leave an indelible mark. You can capitalize on being quiet by excelling at what you do in your comfort zone, like handling important details for those who choose to be in the public eye. Get proficient at skills you enjoy doing and give them your full effort. You won’t be in the limelight, but you will gain recognition and satisfaction.

Build Meaningful Relationships Worried you don’t have enough friends thanks to your shyness? Worry no more. Studies have shown that having a small number of quality friends can be more rewarding than being a social butterfly. When it comes to making friends, shyness can actually be an asset. Quiet people are easy to approach, have a calming effect on others, focus less on themselves, and typically make good listeners. Those traits can help you build meaningful and trusting relationships–for life.

Don’t let shyness keep you from divulging your true self and utilizing your unique gifts.
You won’t just feel empowered; the world will take notice too.

But Do I Deserve It?

by Lavinia Plonka | Oct 2, 2020 | Asheville, Body Language, Feldenkrais Method, Self-Discovery

By Lavinia Plonka

I have a jacket I call God’s jacket. There was a period in my life where it seemed like nothing went right. I was in debt, my practice was not growing, in fact, it was almost non-existent and I needed a jacket. I saw one in a trendy catalog that seemed unaffordable. It was $275, which seemed exorbitant in the 1990’s. I would look at that jacket. And stress about my life. And look at that jacket. And bemoan my fate. Then I caught a cold. Ever since my childhood asthma, my respiratory system had been my teacher. Whenever I was in denial about my life situation, unhappy, stressed, broke, frustrated, I caught a cold. If I ignored the cold (because each time I totally forgot that my body was trying to talk to me and I assumed I was merely sick), it quickly either turned into bronchitis, a sinus infection, or some other dreadful, dramatic outpouring of mucus that put a new meaning on the term “phlegmatic.” Once again, I ignored the cold.

Soon I noticed it wasn’t leaving. That constant discomfort in my nose, that constant feeling of not being able to breathe, that pressing in my head persisted. Finally I recognized it. I was getting a sinus infection. “Oh no! “ I moaned. I envisioned the doctor bill, the prescription cost, cancelling the few classes I had, cash register bells started ringing in my head alongside the throbbing. The last time I had a sinus infection, it had ended up costing me over $200. And then as I passed the coffee table, I saw the catalog with my jacket calling to me.

I burst into tears. I sat down on the couch and began to pray, to everyone and everything: Mr. God, my “higher” self, the Universe, the etheric field that some scientists say creates reality, even Tinkerbell. “PLEASE! Don’t make it a sinus infection! Please, please, please. If it’s not a sinus infection I promise to buy the jacket!” There was silence. Of course, what did I expect, a voice coming from the clouds? A gust of wind? Glinda the good witch? I sat there, and after a few minutes I was completely overwhelmed with a shocking feeling. It wasn’t words, no voice talked to me. But I understood that I literally had to put my money where my mouth was. I had to buy the jacket first. I had to believe, really believe, not sorta kind believe, but in my core, believe I deserved it.

I bought it. You’d think I was buying a house, I was so afraid to spend that money. The next morning I woke up, and the sinus infection was gone. Did I create the sinus infection to justify buying the jacket? Did the adrenaline from putting $275 on my charge card knock out the irritation? Was I already recovering and didn’t know it? Or was the universe talking to me?

It slowly, (and I mean slowly, like years) dawned on me that I had been living with a series of core beliefs that destined me for a lifetime of the same poverty I had grown up in. I had spent half a lifetime running in place, like Elmer Fudd trying to catch Bugs Bunny.

God’s jacket woke me up to the simple truth that the universe hears every word I say. I learned to catch myself saying self-sabotaging things like, “Well, things are going well, I wonder when the other shoe will drop,” or “Wow, I made this month’s bills and have money left over, what disaster will strike next?” Not just words, but thoughts: you don’t deserve success, you’re not working hard enough, be careful, this can’t last.

My Mother, a Russian pessimist, used to sneer at my dreams and say, “May all your dreams come true, and may they come to haunt you.” Spiritual teachers often tell us that we pick our parents before we are born for the lessons we need to learn. My biggest lesson was learning that nothing is
impossible – it’s only my beliefs that keep from my dreams. If my parents had simply been wonderful and supportive, I might never have learned the power of intentional thought.

The jacket is no longer as hip as it was then. But it’s still in my closet, a reminder that as Shakespeare said, “ . . . there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Jean Ann’s Journey – The Goal is to Giggle

by JeanAnn Taylor | Apr 3, 2020 | Asheville, Self-Discovery, Women, Women Empowerment

By Jean Ann Taylor

Life isn’t always funny. In fact, sometimes it’s painful, depressing, stressful, disappointing, or overwhelming. It’s easy to fall into a blackhole of hopelessness when we’re feeling down; however, filling our lives with laughter can turn our outlook on life around.

It sounds so simple: just laugh more often. Children are great at it. They laugh over two hundred times each day, adults may only laugh twenty times a day. This is in part because children find humor in things adults find upsetting. Children laugh at absurdities, ridiculousness, surprises, and unexpected messes. Step in a mud puddle? Hilarious! Drop your crayons on the floor? Pretend you’re a bulldozer and scoop them up.

There are many valid reasons to add laughter to your life. A good, solid chuckle can make us healthier by lowering our blood pressure, reducing stress hormones, and increasing the circulation of antibodies in our blood stream—helping us to resist infection. The muscles in our face and body stretch, and we breathe harder, which sends more oxygen to our tissues. Laughing tightens the tummy and strengthens our heart. After a good, hard belly laugh, you may feel like you just had a good, hard workout!

While both men and women benefit by laughter, there is a difference in how the sexes process funniness. I remember as children, my younger brother enjoyed watching The Three Stooges. As he sat cross-legged in front of the television, he laughed hysterically at scenes I could only roll my eyes at. I usually left the room when that show was on. I’ve found that men can find humor in knocking heads while women find it foolish. April Fools jokes and pranks are another example of very personal preferences. What is comical to one person may be insulting to another. To know what tickles your funny bone, you must first know yourself. Our sense of humor is as individual as our eye color, so look for people who laugh at the same things you find funny.

Adulthood means we are consumed with responsibilities: work, bills, repairs, deadlines, and appointments. An unexpected and spontaneous giggle can help us to lighten up and not take ourselves so seriously. Laughter changes us. It can help turn our perspective from gloom to glee. Laughing is also contagious. When we smile at the person who is stuck in a long line with us, the acknowledgement that we are in this situation together helps ease the frustration. When faced with a large work-task, finding humor with coworkers can make a workload seem more manageable. In relationships, laughing can help alleviate an argument when a difficult situation has seemed to come to an impasse. Laughing together is a shared emotion that results in creating a bond with each other.

For your health and well-being, find ways to include more laughter in your life. For me, a YouTube video of babies laughing gets me every time. Turn off the “news” and watch a funny sit-com like Cheers or Big Bang Theory. Let a seven-year-old impress you with her plethora of knock-knock jokes. Whatever it takes, try to get more giggle in your gig.

“Happiness is laughing with a toddler about something that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.”

Please send your thoughts and ideas to me at [email protected]

I Feel Pretty

by Lavinia Plonka | Apr 3, 2020 | Asheville, Body Language, Feldenkrais Method, Self-Discovery

By Lavinia Plonka

I remember when it began. I was standing on a crowded subway, hanging onto the bar, when I felt a tug. A young man sitting in front of me said, “Ma’am, would you like to sit down?” “What? No, I’m just fine,” I replied. Then it washed over me. After all, there were lots of other women standing up. But he had offered the seat to me because I looked old.

I stared at myself in the mirror. For most of my life, with the exception of an especially ridiculous period between age 13 – 17 when I was trying to figure out how to look like Twiggy (I know, if you’re under 50, you have no idea who that is, which makes me even OLDER!) I really never paid much attention to my face from the beauty perspective. My mother, bless her Russian heart, would often tell me, “You should cultivate your brains because no man will ever marry you for your looks.” Makeup was something I wore on stage, in order to become whatever character I played, not an ornamentation. I actually have the same container of eye shadow I bought over 30 years ago.

So I hadn’t noticed that my face had lost its battle with gravity. My loving husband Ron had not seemed to notice. When I asked him if I looked old, his first response was, “Huh? No, honey, you’re as beautiful as ever,” trying to dismiss me so he could go back to figuring out how to put LEDs behind one of his pictures. “No, seriously! Take a look!” He could tell from the tone of my voice that I was not going to leave him alone. He regarded me and shrugged. “You look the same.”

“Put on your glasses,” I insisted.

He put on not one, but two pairs of glasses, peering at me as if I was a museum subject. “Hmmm. You’re right. I never noticed all those spots. And your cheeks….” He put his hands on my cheeks and pulled them up and back. “Maybe just a little lift and tuck?”

I regaled him with a few chosen unprintable words and stormed out. In the distance I heard him say, “Well you asked….”

As I critically examined myself, I realized that I had inherited my mother’s crepey, wrinkled cheeks AND my father’s wealth of age spots. My lips were disappearing and what I soon learned are called marionette lines around my mouth were as deep as any wooden dummy.

The inner struggle began. The feminist crone spoke. “Think of the wrinkles as wisdom lines. Embrace your inner beauty, don’t buy into our consumerist propaganda that tells you how you should look! You never did before. You should be celebrating each hard earned age spot. And while you’re at it, why are still dying your hair red? With that face you’re not fooling anyone about your age. Be the wise woman, dance your wild, gray self!”

“But . . . I’ve been dying my hair since I was 16 – red hair is my brand! It’s not just about gray. It’s how I define myself. And I exercise, eat right and feel great. Why not do something to look great as well?”

“You mean younger.”

“OK, fine, what’s wrong with that?”

I consulted my sisters, who live in LA where it is a law to look 26 forever. “Fillers and botox,” they recommended. I made an appointment.

The doctor’s face reminded me of a kewpie doll – smooth, swollen, and frozen. It was clear she had drunk her Kool-aid. Nonetheless, she convinced me to try their intro special to at least get control of my marionette lines. $300 later, I walked out wishing I was wearing a mask to cover the injection holes on my face. For weeks after, I’d ask people, (including Ron), “Notice anything different?”

“New sweater?”

“New hair color?”

“Lost weight?” (That’s another article.)

Not one person had noticed my diminished lines. Wrinkles are in the eyes of the beholder.

I let a few years go by, trying new anti-aging lotions and potions, facials and even a period (recommended by a friend who always looked fabulous) of putting banana peels, avocado and whatever else was left on the chopping block on my face. I reminded myself of those crazy portraits of people made out of vegetables. I stood on my head, hoping the wrinkles would fall upside down. All for naught.

Another doctor. At first she recommended a special filler that was “guaranteed” to make me look younger after a couple of months. Made from bovine cartilage. I envisioned this herd of cattle sacrificing their cartilage just to satisfy my vanity. Oh, and it was $8000. For $8000 I could take a trip around the world, who cares how old I look?

Then she said, “How about threading?”

“OK, I’ll bite, what’s involved?” The doctor numbs your face with novocaine, injects you with a plastic thread that has barbs on it that pulls your face up. Then she injects your cheeks and saggy chin with a web of more plastic threads. I went home and watched a YouTube video of the procedure. I imagined my brain thinking I was either undergoing scientific experimentation or some sort of torture, and paying for the privilege.

Now that everyone is freaking out about facial recognition and privacy invasion, and masks are selling out to ostensibly protect people from coronavirus, I’m thinking of starting a new/old fashion trend. Veils. They could come in different colors, there could be half-veils revealing the eyes (although of course my eyes are nothing but squinty points surrounded by laugh lines. I have to find that eye shadow.) They could come in a multitude of colors, decorated with sequins, semi-transparent, or gold lame´. They would be a triple threat delight: Protection from deadly virus, defying facial recognition technology, and providing mysterious allure.

I’m going to set up my Etsy page right now because I know the orders are going to come flooding in. You read it here first.

Body language expert, Lavinia Plonka has taught The Feldenkrais Method for over 25 years.

For more information, visit her at laviniaplonka.com

Mother Nature’s Magic

by admin | Feb 28, 2020 | Asheville, Lifestyle, Self-Discovery, Uncategorized, Women

By JeanAnn Taylor

This past January I ran into that brick wall known as, The Flu. It was a hard hit that put me in bed for over a week. When The Flu hits, you have no decisions to make; it makes them for you. The only thing to do is to wait until The Flu says, “You can get up now.”

While lying in bed day after day, I had time to think about what I want 2020 to look like. Of course I’ll keep dancing.

Of course I’ll continue to sew, crochet, paint, and write; but what needs to change to make my life fuller, happier, healthier? The answer I came up with is to spend more time outside. Like most people I know, my life in work and play demands indoor time. Yet being in nature—surrounded by growing, buzzing, tweeting, blooming, and other enchanting mysteries—has so many benefits good for our body and soul; outdoor time is worth making a priority.

In the 1990s, the Japanese concept of shinrin-yoku began. As many Japanese traditions follow common sense, simplicity, intention, and authenticity, this practice, which translates into “forest bathing” is another way to live with these virtuous ideals. Forest bathing doesn’t require water, bubble bath, or a soaking tub. It simply requires that you spend time in nature where your mind can meander with no predestined intention. The only requirement is that you slow down and notice. As you wander through the woods or park, be mindful of the scent of blooming honeysuckle. Pay attention to how the wind feels as it blows across your skin. Touch a tree and observe how rough or smooth the bark feels on your hand. Look up and watch as birds fly above you. Listen as leaves crunch under your boots, as a waterfall cascades into the river, and as a songbird alerts her family of your presence. Be awed while watching butterflies puddle at the river bank, as bees flit from flower to flower, and as water bugs dive into the lake. Walk barefoot to absorb electrons from the earth, and dip your toes into the icy water of a mountain stream.

An important component of forest bathing is in the action of walking. Walking is considered to be the single most important thing we can do to improve our health. Along with reducing stress, managing our weight, and warding off many diseases, walking inspires creative thinking by delivering more blood flow to the brain. Without the distractions of cell phones, emails, and to-do lists, your mind is free to unconsciously process ideas and predicaments. Answers to questions and dilemmas that seem impossibly overwhelming often appear as if by magic. Combine walking with nature-focus and epiphanies can happen.

Spending time outdoors can also help us sleep better at night. The natural rhythms of light and dark can be distorted by our modern lifestyle of constant, artificial lighting. Going outside to watch the sunrise or sunset, or to gaze at the stars, can help to reset our internal clock. Awareness of weather also keeps our days and months from blending into each other. When we spend our lives in a controlled climate, every day feels the same and we mindlessly miss the experience of the seasons. This can lead to a loss of perspective.

This spring, take a walk in the woods to look for tiny wildflowers popping up to say, “Hello.” Breathe in the fresh, cool air, and feel inspired at a waterfall. What you’ll find as you lose yourself in nature is—yourself. Go outside, follow your nose, and accept the healing gift of outdoor wonder.

Please send your thoughts and ideas to me at [email protected]

Unbroken

by JeanAnn Taylor | Jan 31, 2020 | Asheville, Kintsugi, Positive Change, Self-Discovery

By JeanAnn Taylor

Here we are in February—smack dab in the middle of pink hearts, red roses, and true love forever. Everywhere I shop, I see aisles and aisles of cards, candy, and plastic Valentine trinkets. We are enticed with so many things to buy: things that will make us happy, things to fill a void of emptiness, things to make everyone we know think that we are perfectly happy. Most of us have experienced times in our lives when we have felt hurt, stuck, or hopeless. Perhaps a relationship ended, a career didn’t go as planned, or we grew up with unsupportive parents leaving us with feelings of doubt and insecurity. We look on Facebook, or “fakebook” as I call it, and see the blissful life of everyone we know. We live in such an abundant time, yet we yearn for more. We need more—to be happy. Except, maybe we don’t. Maybe we need to look inside ourselves and fix what is broken.

Being broken day after day can feel so familiar, it becomes strangely comfortable. Beware of this feeling! This “comfort zone” is not really comfortable at all. It’s important to not let yourself settle in there and make it “home.” Breaking through this brokenness is important because when we are happy and satisfied with our lives, we are more likely to achieve our personal dreams and goals. Our self-confidence can grow and our motivation to succeed can flourish. We can learn to be compassionate and treat ourselves as we would someone we love dearly.

I’m fascinated with the Japanese art of Kintsugi and the culture of wabi-sabi. The century-old practice of Kintsugi means fixing broken pottery rather than tossing it out. It can also be applied to our own emotional state. The technique involves filling in a crack or joining two broken pieces with gold-laced adhesives, leaving the cup or bowl gleaming, artistic, and unique. The technique actually emphasizes that the pottery is repaired from brokenness and is now more beautiful than before. Kintsugi expresses regret in wastefulness and the acceptance of change. Honestly accepting and acknowledging brokenness is the first step to restoring pottery—and people.

Wabi-sabi is a way of seeing beauty in imperfection. This tradition honors authenticity and can change our perception of brokenness. With wabi-sabi, the scars that come from our healing are valued because perfection isn’t the goal, wellness is. “Wabi” refers to originality and understated elegance, “sabi” refers to the beauty that comes with age and natural simplicity. Healing from being broken leaves us with authentic understanding, knowledge, the capacity to be happy and to love ourselves.

Becoming unbroken is a life-long journey and ongoing process of self-discovery requiring intentional focus and choice. We can choose happiness, to be kind to ourselves, to forgive ourselves, and to heal. During this month of love, celebrate who you are, forgive yourself, and fill in the cracks of your life with something sparkly. Change your perception that brokenness is permanent and find gratitude in everything. Be unbroken.

Please send your thoughts and ideas to me at [email protected]